The race is on

I am back home, taking drugs after my recent surgery. The drugs are the kind that make you silly. Here is what evolved from the drug-taking regimen.

“Thanks to all you listeners for attending our race today. I’m Willie Makeit and my partner providing the color commentary is Howard, better known as Hard Times. The race that we will be calling today is the Kentucky Derby of the walker set. Hard and I were told there is to be a single contestant, Speedy Bill, and he will race using Olympic rules with careful attention to elapsed time. Reportedly, Speedy will be repeating the race over the next several days trying to improve his time. Here is Hard for a close-up look.

Thanks, Willie. We had a brief parade before the race with Speedy showing off his racing colors. It looked to me like he was wearing pajamas. It was a red T-shirt on top with multi-colored bottoms that no respectable man would ever wear. Before we get too far into this description though, I should tell you that I think Speedy is getting ready to begin the race as he seems to be leaving the breakfast table with his walker in front in him.

“And there he goes. Someone tripped the alarm and the stopwatch is now running. The race is on. Wait a minute, wait. There is a problem with the start. Speedy’s walker seems to be tied up with a chair at the table. He can’t afford a mistake here as the clock is still running. There! He is free from the entanglement. Take it away Willie.”

“Hard and I were told that Speedy will be defining the layout of the race course as he makes his inaugural run. If its true, he has picked a difficult course as he heads into the kitchen with his bulky walker that seems to be giving him problems right here in the beginning of the race. He has reached the end of the kitchen and he is faced with two right angle turns to the left. There he goes. He got  thru the first turn by lifting his walker airborne and rotating the metal contraption. Speedy doesn’t seem to be familiar with his walker and he had difficulty getting into the second turn.”

“I think that’s right Hard. I was told that Speedy’s only preparation for this race was a two-day stay at the hospital in Midland where a surgeon advised him on the finer points walker racing.”

“And now Speedy is making a right-hand turn toward the open stairway leading to the basement. I don’t think he’ll be heading down there for some days or weeks. He seems to be making much faster progress as the race unfolds. My unofficial time has him at just two minutes as he heads into the foyer. Now he’s leaving the foyer into the main room. He has a long straightaway in front of him and so maybe he can make up some time. How do you see it Hard?

“That’s right Willie. He is just now passing the wood stove near the end of the run. Two more left turns and he’ll be heading back to the breakfast table. I’ll be watching the official clock as he comes home. There it is. I timed it at four minutes and twenty-two seconds. It was a memorable run and I can see that Speedy is breathing heavily. On the other hand, I’d say he has a way to go.”

That’s what I think too, Hard. I’ve seen faster walkers than Speedy in the Sloth races in Australia. And there you have it folks.