Last Campout

Camping (Driving) Downstate

“I’m gonna retire up north and drive slow” – an old, but popular                        bumper sticker on cars from south-eastern Michigan

We used to live in Oakland County, Michigan. We lived in and around Pontiac and then Clarkston, Michigan, both suburbs in the automotive-dominated area of Oakland County. The County was populous when we lived there, and it seems to have grown further since my retirement. Since much of our family lives there, we occasionally camp at Pontiac Lake Recreation Area. We camped there last weekend and made two trips by car from the campsite to visit our family. On both trips, the traffic was extraordinarily heavy, and people drove too fast for my taste.

We enjoyed the wonderful fall weather during this, our last campout for the season. The only negative to our trip was the required driving to and from the campground. The traffic was horrendous. On each of the trips I made by car, I had two impatient drivers blow their horns at me because I was driving too slowly to suit them. This, in spite of the fact that the traffic was so heavy none of us could make much headway. I soon learned that to drive in Oakland County is to take your life in your hands. The traffic was so heavy I was forced to merge into traffic in a space approximately one inch larger than my truck. My strategy was to turn on my blinker, start to move to the next lane and then close my eyes. I learned this technique from other drivers doing the same. After returning to the campground, I met a man and asked him about changing lanes. He said he didn’t know as he had never been able to change lanes in normal daytime traffic. He said he once drove for two days straight because he couldn’t change lanes to get to an exit.

Not satisfied with his answer, I asked another camper for his advice in changing lanes. His advice was equally disconcerting. He said the only thing that worked for him was to buy the car in the next lane.

On my second trip from the campground, I decided that the appropriate driving technique was to ‘floor’ the accelerator after each stop, and also wherever the stop light turned green, no matter what my speed was. This strategy, of course, requires one to slam on the brakes whenever a red light flashes. The strategy seemed to work; other drivers quit blowing their horns at me, but my neck got tired from snapping back and forth with the brakes and accelerator.

After our campout, I was happy to get home to my part of the world where driving is much easier. We have less traffic and more patient drivers. In fact, our drivers sometimes stop in the middle of the road if they need to. Nobody cares.

I checked the internet to learn if others feel as I do about driving in congested areas. I learned that I am not alone. One man said that you can sit on congested highways forever. In fact, he said, some places have exit ramps where you can pull over and make a car payment. Another man said that congested highways have become insane asylums with turn signals. That seems about right to me.

Now that I have finished this piece, I think I’ll go for a drive and park on the road somewhere.