shoulder surgery

 

Shoulder Surgery

 

Six weeks ago, I submitted to shoulder surgery to correct torn rotator cuff muscles and tendons that came to me largely because of a pickleball--induced trauma. The surgery was successful as the torn muscles were stitched back together and the torn tendons were wired back to their bony homes courtesy of anchors and plastic wires. The surgeon who performed these repairs was a fastidious sort, unwilling to accept the several other deficiencies that he found upon close inspection of my right shoulder. Make that arthritis, bone spurs, an inflamed bursa giving rise to bursitis, and a missing biceps tendon. He cleaned, screwed together, and used his Dremel to grind off the offending bony structures to assure that my shoulder bones would slide more smoothly when my muscles urged movement.

He said he sewed up the small incisions he made without incident and that I should [mostly] have use of my shoulder upon recovery providing that I followed instructions for wearing a monstrous shoulder immobilizer that he presented to me for a retail price of only $875. This, for a gadget that hindered sleep, inhibited most body functions, and made eating difficult since only my left hand was available to stuff food in my mouth -a condition that provoked daily dribbling of food on each of my shirts. The immobilizer, (my name – the doc called it a brace) seemed designed to inflict frustration and certain failure to meet doctor’s orders about wearing it 24 hours per day for four solid weeks except for time off for showers. (I almost said time off for good behavior, but it occurred to me that this was an unlikely statement since it seemed that no one could possibly wear the contraption in bed and remain in good humor.)

The doc failed to mention that the missing bicep tendon that was not (now) present in my shoulder would not be repaired. Consequent discussion of this topic with my physical therapist revealed that the biceps muscle has at least two tendons and the failure of one would allow 70 -80% percent recovery as the remaining tendon would function for the bicep. The therapist also mentioned that this condition was the cause of Popeye the Sailor Man’s extraordinarily large forearm. {I may need to look for a tattoo to complete this look).

The same doc who called for the immobilizer is now telling my physical therapist that I need to exercise my shoulder muscles by using an exercise routine that seems designed to bring pain and show how much improvement is needed. He said that a first objective is to avoid stiffness in the joint by regularly flexing of the joint’s muscles. This is not fun. The therapist has specified stretches and five isometric exercises and they seem to be helping me eat breakfast as I am now able to bring my shaky hand to my mouth with only a minor amount of spilling. Not everyone can do this. I recall that 20 years ago one of my square dance friends had a wonderful sense of humor when he suffered shoulder joint stiffening. He said if he was ever stopped by the police and ordered “Hands Up, ‘I’ll be a dead man,’ "he quipped.

I am now into my seventh week of recovery and the doctor said that I am doing fine. I was tempted to say that he felt that way because he wasn’t the one undergoing the recovery program, but I held my tongue in fear of even more exercises. The sawbones ordered six more weeks of therapy with the promise that I should achieve a more normal and fuller function without my friends and family calling me ‘lefty’.

So, there you have it. My advice about shoulder health is: Don’t do this, there are better ways to spend your retirement years.