New Telephone

 

Here I am, sitting at home instead of being out somewhere having fun. The reason: I am waiting for the UPS man to bring my new cell phone. “Between 10 AM and 2 PM”, they said. Of course we can’t have this precious new phone sitting outside in the cold while I am out having fun, hence my assignment in staying home to retrieve the phone as soon as it arrives.

I’ve never liked cell phones even when they were first introduced. Even when I worked at GM Engineering and everyone started carrying and using their cell phones (and paying the resultant bill), I remained glued to my office where I could answer the phone whilst sitting in my office chair. In the distant past, we had secretaries who were paid to answer the phone and deliver messages. I liked that. It seemed a more sane means for communication versus carrying a small black box that you must never forget even though the phones were guaranteed to interrupt whatever important things you were doing.

Yet phones became insanely popular. One of the reasons given for using cell phones was the answer that you could make or receive a phone call anytime and anywhere. Yes, even in the bathroom, despite the possible disgusting noises in the background. This became more real to me when I began hearing phones that rang in adjacent stalls in the men’s room and the recipient answered.

It was only after I retired and cell phones became small computers that I decided to join the ranks lining up to purchase the new gadgets. “Smart phones” they were called. I never liked that name either. Calling them smart phones seemed a direct challenge to me personally since I was barely capable of making a phone call or use some of the other features they offered. It seemed to me that the manufacturers of cell phones made their gadgets intentionally complicated so that neophytes could be screened out of their use, thus insuring a technical ‘geek’ factor in the marketing and sale of their products.

I found the use of the new cell phones unnecessarily complex. One of the problems for me was that cell phone designers never solved their use of colors to indicate their operational mode. Since I am unable to distinguish certain color gradations, their use becomes a problem for me and others similarly afflicted. My main color deficiency (as with many so-called color-blind folks) is with red and green. As you probably know, cell phone designers use a green button to indicate permission to make a phone call, while red on the same button indicates a connection is not allowed. At least, that is what I think and it is also the reason that many of my phone calls are never connected since I can’t tell red from green in most of their shades.

The computer part of my cell phone doesn’t have that problem so I can happily ask questions to Mr. Google and he never seems tired of providing answers. What a treat! And that is part of the reason I am awaiting my new phone that will ameliorate (I hope) some of my complaints about my current cell phone. The other reason for getting a new phone is that last week my phone quit. I think I did everything needed to make a connection, but the call was never answered nor could I hear the phone making its telltale noises as the connection was made. After several failures of this type, I asked my roommate to call my cellphone within my hearing so I could determine the nature of my problem. She dialed my cell, but the call never came through. The conclusion was that cell could neither make nor receive calls. Only Mr. Google remained true in answering my inquiries. I decided that further analysis of the problem would be not productive given my infantile state in using the phone and the likely impossibility of me correcting the phone’s newly discovered reluctance to work while in my hands.

The solution seemed obvious. I decided to purchase a new phone. The new phone should be bigger and easier to see and use, and it should have protective features to avoid the scratches and dings that my current phone has suffered. In fact, it occurred to me that my old phone may have quit working in response to the five or ten times that I dropped it onto the concrete floor of my garage. Or maybe moisture had crept into the phone past the several cracks in the window, I don’t know.

So here I am, waiting impatiently for my phone to arrive. If it arrives as promised and if it works in my hands, I’ll give you a call so we can talk about the old days and how things seemed much easier for us simple-minded folks. By the way, I think I will choose an old ring tone for the new phone.