An R-rated Blog for May, 2021

 

It appears that I reached a new, all-time high in my continuing demonstration that I am an electronic neophyte, a bumbling sod in all areas of electronic communications, not to mention my limited expertise in computers and associated hardware. Here’s the story.

After a hard day of retirement project work, I decided to rejuvenate my spent body by a leisurely bath. As is my wont, I took my phone into the bathroom so that I could use my time studying Facebook posts while waiting for the tub to fill. That task being completed, I climbed into the steaming water, searching for a semi-comfortable position willing my sore muscles to relax amidst the steamy hot water. I put my phone aside, but close enough to reach, just in case.

While you are getting this picture, I’ll sneak in some background. Our neighbor and friend, I’ll call her Ivy, is currently in a nursing home recovering from a nasty fall that resulted in several broken bones. To relieve her tedium at the convalescent home, we have visited her in person on several occasions and learned that she is equipped with her electronic communication gadgets, so I wasn’t surprised when my phone announced that she was calling. The announcement was a little different than most, but I paid no attention as I bent over the edge of the tub and retrieved my own trusty electronic talking machine, confident that this would be a telephone call like any other.

Me: Hello, Ivy

Ivy: Is that you Bill? Your voice sounds a little different, as if you are in an echo chamber. (pause) Is that water I see?

Me: (lengthy pause) I ….ah, yes. How did you know and what did you mean ‘I see’?

Ivy: (laughter) Are you in the bathtub? (more laughter) Yes, you are in the bathtub!

Me: (a shouted aside) Marjorie! Come here and take the phone, please! (My voice must have announced my panic as I hoped. Marjorie appeared shortly thereafter to take away my phone that had suddenly become a movie camera for Ivy.

You probably get the picture. Apparently, the announcement that I missed when the phone call came in was that this was a video call. Ivy had her video chat feature turned on enabling her to see me and my bathing habits just by my answering the phone. I should have realized this as her picture came up along with her voice. As this tidbit of information dawned on me, it occurred to me that I should have been careful which way I turned the phone especially while handing it over to Marjorie since it had suddenly become a voyeurs dream machine for even an amateur spy like Ivy. And what about that feature that allowed the phone to focus – not on my face – but my nether regions at a push of the button. Might I have unwittingly pushed the button while handing it over?

I was tempted to drown my phone to end my torment. In the end, I wisely chose to chuckle in concert to Ivy’s uproarious laughter since it seemed that my discomfiture was approximately equal to her amusement.

I didn’t know about video calls that could be turned on without the recipient’s awareness, nor do I know if my phone has a similar feature beyond the infamous Zoom software that sometimes works. The next time I see Ivy, I’ll ask her to explain it to me and I’m sure we’ll have another good laugh together.

I am passing along this experience of mine as a public service. I suggest being careful with this feature on your phone as it may get you in hot water, just as it did me.